The Sequel

Please read The Prequel to the Sequel before this. If you already have, then by all means, enjoy…

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I’ve made the choice to remain a virgin until I get married.

I’m not going to tell you how to live your life or make you feel bad about your choices. I’m simply here to state my reasons and beliefs in the hope that they’ll educate and/or encourage someone out there.

I’m not your average female, I’m actually hot cake and can so so get it! So why am I still a virgin? I’m Christian, but it’s not just because God said so. Someone once said in my hearing that she doesn’t understand why God would say no to premarital sex when there are no negative effects. Well, it may seem that way when you choose to ignore the facts but the reality is that you ARE more exposed to certain negative effects when you indulge in premarital sex. If everyone went about sex only God’s way, there would be fewer rates of abortions, STDs, teenage pregnancies, and even failed marriages. God designed sex, and He knows how best it works. We are supposed to enjoy it, but only in the context of marriage. When it’s taken out of that context, it becomes abused and can then be harmful. There is not one thing God says we should or shouldn’t do that isn’t for our good. Let’s take a look at His manual.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24

One man + One woman = Marriage —-> One Flesh (Sex)

In my opinion, sex is the icing on the cake, the deal sealer. When a man and woman have sex, they become one. There is a spiritual tie that comes with the act of sex and I only want that tie with my husband. This might sound like bollocks to a lot of people, but here’s reference from the bible:

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”“ – 1 Corinthians 6:16

So you see, there’s more to sex than mere skin on skin (or even rubber). Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact… “The two become one”.

This means sex not covered by the marriage covenant opens doors for spirits to be transferred. Scary.

God created sex as a bonding tool. Psychologists believe that when a woman loses her virginity to a man, his image is strongly imprinted on her mind, which creates a strong emotional attachment. I only want my husband to be imprinted on my mind. I believe that choosing to live with one particular person for what you hope to be the rest of your life will be challenging… eventually… and sex is supposed to aid in staying together. When two people have sex, the hormone oxytocin is released which creates emotional bonds. Naturally, when that bond is broken, it will hurt. If however, that bond is continually broken and reapplied with other people, it is then weakened until it ceases to exist. An illustration: when you peel plaster off your skin, it hurts. Reapply it a few times and it will lose its stickiness and stop hurting. Bonding works like that. When it’s broken, it hurts. It’s not designed to be made and broken repeatedly because it then loses it’s bonding effect.

I believe there are blessings and rewards that come with waiting. God forgives, but you can’t disobey God and receive the full blessings that would have come if you had not disobeyed in the first place. I don’t want to miss out on my full blessings.

The creator designed sex to come with heavy emotions. I’m very emotional and I probably won’t be able to handle the weight of pre-marital sex. I’d rather enjoy guilt-free and happy sex. I don’t have to worry about STDs, pregnancy, whether or not he is just using me or waking up the next morning full of regret. I do not believe in abortion, so if I was to ever get pregnant, that would not be an option; plus I don’t want to embarrass my family (my father will do an Abraham and Isaac on me. Except, without the ram) My best option is to go with abstinence.

It is popular belief that once you start, it’s hard to stop. I believe sex is a spiritual killer. I value my relationship with God and I believe sex outside marriage can greatly draw one back from God. I’ve heard people try to justify sex outside marriage as just another sin. But the bible lets us know that sex is different from all other sins because we are sinning against our own bodies. It says it is soul-destroying and self-destructive (Proverbs 6:32 & 1 Corinthians 6:18).

Being a virgin, to a certain extent, protects me from toxic relationships. Most men these days are fueled by desire and I believe once I give a man like this sex, he is no longer necessarily obliged to stay. I’m not saying he isn’t going to stay once I do; but when he does stay, how long would we last? Always on the lookout for the next hot thang, he will not hesitate to leave once he finds something better or once he concludes I am not wife material for him even though I may ride him good. What if we are engaged, and then he discovers the sex isn’t so great? Will we then walk away from each other?

In this regard, saying no to sex reduces my pool of datable men by a large amount. If you’re not going to date me because there is no sex involved, you are not worth my time. Am I a sex machine? I think not. I want a man that loves me for who I am, who will stay whether there is great sex or not, because of his interest in me, and not in my sexual prowess. Casual sex relationships and relationships built around sex are more likely than not to be selfish acts, as opposed to marriage, where we are more likely to take the partner’s best interests into consideration.

For me, the point of dating is to find someone I am compatible with and who possesses the qualities I desire in a man. I want to see him for who he really is, and know I am truly in love with him without sex clouding my judgment. Most of us know people who have stayed in an abusive relationship because of the sex, whether they realize it or not. One day sex will mean nothing. What if something happens to that person and it affects our sex life, and how about when we are old; will I still be happy to spend my days with him because of who he is?

“A poll in The Guardian newspaper in February 1997 asked 794 couples who had been married for ten years or more what they liked most about their partner. The most popular answer (18%) said they were ‘caring and thoughtful’. 10% said their personality. Only one per cent said sex.”

That’s roughly 8 people out of 800. So how important is great sex at the end of the day?

Quote: “The only thing that creates commitment is character. And character is often in short supply when we’re indulging in premarital sex.”

For me, sex is a prize for getting there. Like eating that big piece of chicken after finishing your pounded yam; or your rice and stew if you don’t like pounded yam. Wait. How can you not like pounded yam?! Oh sorry, I digress. Where was I? Yeah…

I want something to look forward to when I get married; when we go for our honeymoon (imagine releasing up to 25 years worth of konji on the poor man…… *now playing Unleash the Dragon by Sisqo*. I want to say “Yes! I did it!” and make God proud.

I am keeping myself also because of the respect I have for my future husband. I want to be a one-man woman. That’s how we were created. God didn’t make Eve, Evelyn, Evelette, and Eveniqua. We weren’t made to be shared, that’s why we humans get jealous. I want the man I marry to be the only one that got to hit that. I don’t want to have anyone else to compare him to either. I don’t need to experiment. (This part is hard for me because I’m always looking for new things). I have value for the sex we will eventually have. It says long term commitment. I want my heart to agree when I give sex. I want to know we are fully committed to each other, and that won’t happen till he puts a wedding ring on it.

It’s just not worth giving it up now. It’s a one-time thing and I want to do it wisely. I’d rather ‘suffer’ patiently now in exchange for many years of a sex life free of guilt and frustration ahead. I believe if I wait till marriage, I will have the best I can get. People say you need experience or someone with experience. This is a lie from the pit of hell. After all, even those with all the experience started from somewhere. If I’m going to have sex for very many years of my life, there’s no rush. Self-control is necessary. If one cannot control self before marriage, how can anyone believe they will be able to afterwards?

All God has for us is love, He knows what’s best for us and wants to protect our future. And God will not tell us to do or not to do anything if His grace will not cover us. Don’t think Christianity is just a set of rules and regulations that will make life boring; it’s a one on one relationship with God and it’s the best way to live. It’s about grace, love, and freedom. And He wants us all to enjoy that.

Peace and Love.

Anon.

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Err…

Sorry to burst your bubble if you were hoping to go to town with the lady’s identity. I bet most of y’all are mature but too many immature folk cloaked amongst you guys. We’ll just play it safe and keep this anonymous, yeah? Just take my word for it that when she says “I’m hot cake and can totally get it”. Chic ain’t lying yo! *sigh*

Forget that she’s a lady, I share each and every value posted up here. They apply to both males and females. And these, ladies and gentlemen, are the whys of my (and her) virginity.

So what are your thoughts?

The Prequel to the Sequel

This is not a post.

Well, it is, but it also sort of isn’t.

This is an intro.

An intro that is longer than an intro and so gets its own post even though it’s actually just an intro and so therefore not really a post.

You dig?

*sigh*

Oh well. On to the meat of the matter…

First though, a little reiteration:

I am a virgin. And despite what popular media and society at large may feel, say or do, I’m unashamed about it.

This is of course stale gist to most of the people reading this. For those to whom this, however, IS news, I ‘announced’ it in a post titled Losing My Virginity sometime last year. I clearly stated then what the reasons for which I was declaring it were.

Thanks to that post, many have felt comfortable enough to open up to me concerning their varying views and/or issues concerning sex and, in a few cases, sexuality. I count it privilege and am deeply honoured anyone would trust me with such delicate information or with giving them any sort of advice. I’ve also found these discussions very enlightening, probably even more enlightening than the light-bearers who come seeking light from one who boasts of bearing no light. You may not have known of the light you bore, but thank you for your light *shakes off fairy dust* (Who talks that way? :s ) I certainly hope I have been helpful in some way or the other. I try my best not to judge anyone for mistakes made, their ideologies or decisions. Same way I asked that no one judge, dismiss or look down upon others (virgins in particular here) for making the choice(s) they have made.

A few people have admitted to me to also being virgins. People who would get the same kinds of reactions I got if the word got out…

“Stop playing jor”

“*stunned silence*”

“If you wan lie, lie better lie. No be dis one”

In opening up to me, they also admit they are wary of saying it in public or even to friends of theirs because of the embarrassment or even ridicule it may attract. *sigh* We have a long way to go, I guess…

If there’s one thing I appreciate from that experience, it’s that I’ve since then been approached on the subject of abstinence and virginity largely with respect and tolerance, (as against the condescending attitude such a conversation would have previously evoked) which is part of what I hoped to achieve by writing that post. Hopefully, this same respect and tolerance is being extended to others too.

But something was missing in that post and it was obvious enough that I’ve been asked about it in nearly every conversation I’ve had on the matter since the post went up. The question:

Why?!

“Why did you choose to remain a virgin?”

Another frequent question is:

Till when?

“Do you plan to stay this way till you get married”

Due to space constraints and consideration for the views of some of the audience I expected on Losing My Virginity, I didn’t really address those questions in that post. They will now be addressed.

But not by me.

I was having a conversation on the issue of abstinence with a new friend when she eventually, as expected, asked me the earlier stated questions. I answered and then she went on to state her own views on the matter which impressed me to the point that I asked her to please write a sequel to my earlier post. She obliged, thankfully. This post-which-is-not-a-post is an intro to that post.

A warning though, and to a large extent, the reason for this intro/post. The Sequel is heavily laced with christian views and biblical references. If you choose to avoid these, we respect your decision. We respect the fact that everyone has a right to their opinions and beliefs, as do we, and we’re not trying to preach at anyone. Only to share our thoughts on the subject and answer previously asked questions. This is not Ladun Ikeji’s blog (pun intended). We are not looking to be sensationalist or to get insulted for what we believe in.

Peace to all men.

And to each his own.

If you’re christian, or you’re not but are open to seeing what our views on the subject are, you’re welcome to read The Sequel.

Zombie

We lurch to one side
Jostled together irreverently
No complaints ensue
We are in a hurry
All fourteen of us

Bleary bloodshot eyes
Staring unseeing ahead
Dreams of a blissful sleep
Still taunting heavy eyelids
She dozes in the corner
He nods in agreement
His chin nestling into his chest warmly

Bang! Bang!!

They are startled awake
Glancing about in alarm
But only for a moment
The calm with which we stare ahead
Reassuring to the dozers
Who are soon nodding away again
To the rhythm of another round
Of backfire

Our nostrils come under siege
As a molue thunders past.
We seem oblivious
Having survived cheap perfume,
Body odour,
The dank lagoon below.
What’s a little,
or maybe a lot,
a whole lot
Of vehicle fumes and smoke?
Just another chorister
In the cacophony of scents
We seem oblivious

Swerve! Shaunt!
Heads knock together
This time around
Complaints ensue…
“Ah ah! Dreva, take it easy!”
“Jo, ma pa mi fun iya mi o!”
(Please, don’t kill me for my mother o)
“Dis man, wetin dey worry you?”
Deafness, it would seem
Seeing as our dreva’s only response
Is marshing the throttle again
We fall silent
We are in a hurry

We arrive
Spewed forth
From the belly of the rickety beast
Squeezing between and around
Other crawling beasts
Yellow and black
And a myriad other metallic colours
Mingling with the multitude of bustling people
Also in a hurry
Also bleary eyed and sleep deprived
Also dressed in much the same way
Trudging and lurching
Zombie-like
To get swallowed yet again
By the bustle